Raze around the world

SYDNEY, AUSTRALIA: - Frock Advisory Council mavens the Famous Two have returned in triumph from their expedition to darkest Europe, where they became the first civilised people to discover and chart the Sources of various Things.

While in London, a large European settlement, the Grandiloquent Duo joined forces with pop icon Kirsty "Diva" Chestnutt to uncover the elusive Source of Time. "So we went to Greenwich Observatory and stood on top of the Prime Meridian asking everyone, 'Hey, have you got the time?'" said a Famous Two spokesperson, who declined to identify herself. "It was SO funny."

During the Greenwich expedition, the Terpsichorean Trio also discovered That Pub From The Film Beautiful Thing, widely alleged to be the Source of Spunk.

The svelte Ms Chestnutt remaining in London in order to support single-handedly the ailing British economy, the Famous Two went on alone to Dublin, Ireland, where they discovered the Source of Guinness. "Complete crap," said one. "Ripped off," the other concurred. However the Irish diversion was redeemed by implausibly large quantities of Damned Fine Theatre, according to close personal friends of the Perspicacious Pair.

The Carboniferous Couple continued their explorations into the mapless wilds of south France and Northern Spain, where they uncovered in rapid succession the Sources of Baguettes, Cassoulet, Surrealism and Modern Catalan Architecture.

"Good trip," one of the Famous Two is reported to have said. "Yes, bloody good trip," said the other. "Very sourcy."

Stock markets around the world rallied at the news. "Finally establishing the Sources of Time, Spunk, Guinness, Surrealism, Catalan Architecture and certain French foodstuffs puts the world's economies on a much more solid footing," one broker said. "We look forward to the end of hunger and a thousand years of prosperity and peace."

Surrey Street Aerospace, believed to be the political wing of the shadowy fashion bureau, released a brief public statement yesterday. This read in full: "With respect to its recent European adventures, the FAC says 'Yes!'"

Tuesday, 4 November 1997. The postcards are in the mail.
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